I’ve Been Trying To Be Consistent: Here’s Six Things I’ve Learned
You know that person who is the same everywhere they go? That person who seems unaffected by anything and everything (in a good way)? Who treats people with kindness, no matter who they are? Let’s call that person, “the person of consistency”. And I’ll be the first to acknowledge that I am not one of those people.
In fact, most of my life, I have struggled with consistency. I have said I will do one thing and I do another. I have made plans with people and failed to follow through, or cancelled them altogether. I have told myself that I will be consistent in my beliefs, my actions, my schedules, and I have failed. Utterly.
I’ve always been the type to move from person to person, activity to activity, place to place. You could say that I am fond of novelty, and thrive on spontaneity. I like to be on the go trying new things. I like excitement, and being a consistent person used to seem to me anything but exciting. I’m not sure whether this was a cultural assumption that had rubbed off on me, or if this is just how I felt in general. Either way, I had subconsciously come to believe that consistent and committed people are boring people.
For the last two years, this lifestyle had worked great for me. I’d been studying English in college, had few responsibilities, and had been allotted the freedom to explore, move around, and try new things.
What I did not know was that all this was having a deep effect on my character, and not necessarily in ways that beneffited me. The scariest part is that I believed I was fine. I believed that my inconsistent lifestyle was not harming myself or anyone in any way. I believed that by doing whatever, whenever, I was holding onto freedom and benefiting myself by having new experiences. I believed that consistency and commitment equated to slavery, when in fact it meant freedom.
Here I am, 21 years old, with the attention span of a goldfish. Or perhaps a squirrel? Yeah, perhaps a squirrel. There’s actually one running across the street right now. Nevermind. I have moderate difficulty sticking to a daily routine, much less a weekly or monthly one. Staying in consistent friendships and relationships has proved challenging for me.
And thank God, I have noticed all these patterns now, while I am hardly an adult, because that means there is plenty of time to work towards becoming a healthier version of myself. To become that person of consistency that I so admire.
And that is exactly what I have been doing, working to become a person of consistency. Because I know that my future is dependent upon my being able to have a consistent presence in the world. To be a person who shows up, day after day, and commits to whatever is at hand. Who is the same inside and out. Who is consistent in the workplace, family, and friendships. Yes, our world needs more of those guys.
As I’ve worked, and am working, to become a person who is more consistent in the way they behave, think, go about their day, and treat other people, I have learned some things.
Here are six things I have learned in my process of becoming:
- Becoming a person of consistency requires sacrifice.
I’ve made it a goal to read at the end of each day, but I find myself always being invited to something or other. “Hey Jake, would you like to go with us to Burger King?” etc., etc., etc. Internally, everything within me wants to go. I can literally taste a cheeseburger (with only ketchup..a preference I’ve had since I was a wee little lad) in my mouth. But I override those desires, because I want to become the type of person who consistently reads before bed each night. Consistency in anything requires lots of no’s, and few yes’s. The burger can wait.
2. Becoming a person of consistency must be driven by something outside ourselves.
I am convinced that we don’t become consistent people simply for our own sake. There has to be something outside ourselves that moves us to become consistent people. For me, I want to be a person who lives consistently now, so that one day when I have a family, I am already a consistent person for them. I want to be consistent for myself, yes, but it is ultimately in hopes of being consistent for my future family. We don’t become people of consistency for just ourselves, but for the benefit of others.
3. Becoming a person of consistency spreads to those around you.
There are hardly words to describe the joy that comes from knowing that, by lifting yourself up, you are simultaneously lifting up those around you. It is, I believe, changed people who change people. And I have changed a lot. The changes I have made in my life to become a more consistent person (whether it is to consistently give each person I interact with my full attention or to be a person who consistently reads) have inspired those alongside me to become people who strive to be consistent in their lives too. Whatever that may look like for them.
4. Becoming a person of consistency means a constant internal war.
It is easy to slack. You think to yourself, “Cool! I’ve been consistent in this one area of my life for a week, I can give myself a break.” But that break comes back to bite. It’s tempting to stop doing something consistently after a short amount of time because you believe you have made sufficient progress for the time being. But this is far from the truth. Inconsistency, even for a short amount of time, takes a long time to rid yourself of, and even a small break can lead to poor results.
5. Becoming a person of consistency feels like divorce.
People dont seem to like change very much. Others learn who you are, and how you live your life, and then become comfortable to you being the way you are. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but as you grow, even those closest to you become uncomfortable. I’ve learned that, as I’ve become a more consistent person, the temptation to return to my old self for the sake of others’ comfort has grown tremendously. A divorce must take place between the person I am becoming and the person I once was.
Our world needs people of consistency. We live in a culture where it is the norm to do what you want when you want, and to avoid anything that doesn’t make you feel good. And becoming a person of character, a person who is consistent, does not feel good. But it is what people need. I’m sure I am going to learn more things along the way, as this is just the beginning. What I am sure of is that I wouldn’t want my life any other way, as the new version of myself is someone I am growing quite fond of.
